UNC Blows Out Southern Miss: Arizona State Rematch Thursday

Presenting UNC’s 11-4 win, during which Dustin Ackley broke the career College World Series hits record, in GIF form. In this picture, the Southern Miss pitching staff is represented by the dead fish and UNC’s hitting is represented by the…um, weasel or whatever the hell that is:

dancingweasel

Dance on, funky weasel. You’ve earned it.

UNC gets a rematch with ASU where the pitching matchup will almost certainly be Matt Harvey vs. Seth Blair. I’m glad we’re getting the rematch now, because ASU’s top two pitchers are much scarier prospect than the Longhorns rotation.

The Greatest Thing To Come Out of NC State Since The Krispy Kreme Race

Go ahead. Make my day. Just try and see what happens when you drive over 30 miles an hour in THIS work zone muahahahaaaa…

OBEY

This is, quite possibly, the most nighmare inducing thing created by a NC State student in the cloak of night since (insert horrible zoophilia joke here).

It appears to be the work of one Joe Carnavale, a Wolpack junior who posted his work on No Promise of Safety. Of course, this epic statue of modern humanity was taken down less than 24 hours after it was placed in the street, and Carnavale is now being charged with property damage and larceny by Wake County DA Rectum Buzzkill*. But worry not, Carnavale: your sculpture is a testament to creativity and badassedness. I tip my hat no matter what university you attended, and I demand that a replica be made for every roadside construction site in America.

*Rectum Buzzkill is not the actual name of the Wake County District Attorney. But it’s not far off.

Super Speedy UNC Spring Football Review

The offseason is a tremendous lull for most sports, but we Americans have found out that if you poke at football long enough during hibernation, you can find something to talk about. So let’s all grab a stick, shall we?

Players Who Should Get You Really, Really Excited for September

WR Dwight Jones: Will burning the redshirt last November pay off? For the moment, the answer is yes. Jones, the man in the center of that practice photo, has developed rapidly since the 2008 season, and while he certainly hasn’t reached Hakeem Nicks-levels of route running, he doesn’t have to. The projected top 3 receivers (Jones, Greg Little and Josh Adams/Rashad Mason) are all 6′4″ or taller, leaving  T.J. Yates with the ideal “throw it up and see if they catch it” scenario when things go wrong. If it brought down the undefeated Patriots, it can bring down Virginia Tech, right?

TB Jamal Womble: Aside from the spring game, very little is known about Womble except for all the records that he broke in high school. The Spring Game has proven to be an unreliable data set, but it seems apparent that Womble will get a lot of carries this season. He’s has speed and strength, but most importantly he has vision. He seems to have a keen eye for which alleys to attack at the line and in the secondary. With less than 10 carries in an exhibition game, he has shown more vision and elusiveness than Draughn and Houston showed last season.  Unlike Draughn and Houston, Womble will also be an effective receiver out of the backfield. Having lost the top three receivers from 2008 and looking for T.J. Yates to stay healthy, UNC will need to bolster its backfield production in 2009. Jamal Womble looks like he can make an immediate impact.

LB Zach Brown: Bruce Carter and HIS HIGHNESS QUANTAVIUS have established themselves as two of the most athletic linebackers in the ACC. Zach is faster than both of them. Whether that translates to pure defensive awesomeness is yet to be seen, but Everett Withers would be hard-pressed to find a better college linebacking corps to suit his Cover 2-esque scheme.

Really Tall Punter Guy: I don’t remember this guy’s name, but he’s the tallest player on the team, he wore #39 at the spring game, and he has a cannon for a leg. He punted three or four times, and each of them went for about 60 yards and had tremendous hangtime.

Players Who You Really Hope Made the Most of the Offseason


CB Jordan Hemby: Kendric Burney is a lockdown corner, but Hemby is still a projected starter by his side. This should concern you because his play in 2008 was, to put it diplomatically, enigmatic and inconsistent.

SS Da’Norris Searcy: Trimane Goddard left some pretty big shoes to fill. Searcy is talented, and he displayed flashes of brilliance against West Virginia in the bowl game. Still, it’s yet to be seen how easily he can fill Goddard’s role.

Defensive-End-By-Committee: It’s close to certain that Robert Quinn will spearhead one side of the line, but the other side looks to be a revolving door of inconsistent veterans and talented but inexperienced freshmen.

The Offensive Line: The offensive line kept some stability from 2008, but the absences of Garrett Reynolds (graduation/NFL) and Aaron Stahl (foregoing last year of eligibility due to injury) will be felt.

WR Greg Little: Greg goes back to his natural position this season as the most experienced receiver on the team and, perhaps ironically, the non-QB best acquainted with John Shoop’s playbook. Fans are beginiing to wonder if he will justify the hype surrounding his arrival in Chapel Hill. This is the year where he will either silecne the critics or prove them right. I think he’ll do well, but the jury is out for now.

T.J. Yates’ Health: Wolfpack Fans, if I don’t see frisbees on the field at Carter-Finley this November, I will be severely disappointed in you.

Am I being a bit opitmistic here? Probably. But the summer is the time for optimism, a time for anticipating what’s to come. Grumbling, cynicism and reduction of expectaion should wait, at least, until UConn scores on a devastating 90-yard drive in the third quarter. Until then RESERVE THE HOTEL TO MIAMI WERE GOING 11-1 OMG WHOOOOOO!!!

Photos: The venerable Inside Carolina.

What’d I Miss?

So sometime after January I had a Butterfinger milkshake at Sutton’s and all of a sudden I notice it tastes funny. I get a little sleepy, and I put my head on the counter. Next thing I know, I’m in my bed, I can’t find my wallet and the leaves on the trees are the size of ceiling fans.

So…what’d I miss?

Oh. That. Well, that looks, uh…pretty important. Everyone looks really, really happy about UNC winning its fifth NCAA Championship and sixth national title. Everyone except the shadowy face of Deon Thompson, who looks like a mummy intent on tasting Roy Williams’ brains. Or maybe he wants to, you know, hold the trophy. You can never be sure of these things.

What can I say, really, about this team that hasn’t already been said by everyone else? How a team as good as this year’s Heels can be considered inconsistent is insane, but after the Michigan State game in December the expectations were higher than I have ever seen at Carolina, save the 1997-98 team. Fortunately, Ty Lawson is a better defender than Ed Cota, and there was no Utah standing in the way this time.

As dangerous as it may be to take any basketball game for granted, every Heels fan, from August on, felt that only six games mattered this past season. Once the NCAA Tournament started, it started to look like the team felt much the same way. They turned on a switch and consistently showed a level of focus that they had  for maybe 35% to 40% of the regular season. This year’s Heels are one of the few teams in basketball that can really afford to do that, as Roy’s recruiting has torn the rest of the ACC to shreds.

The regular season, as successful as it was, bore no resemblance to the Heels’ dominant postseason performance. Ultimately, the latter is what will be remembered.

On that note, Tar Heel Mania will soon return to regular football and baseball posting.

This Post Has Absolutely Nothing To Do With Carolina Football or Basketball

But dammit, it’s Shamwow guy in Spanish. If you feel the need to ask for more, it’s a blogstapo conspiracy.

The man must have spent days on Babelfish perfecting this ad. For that, Vince, I salute you.

World, Hakeem Nicks. Hakeem Nicks, World.

Yes, the loss hurts in many ways that UNC’s other close losses have hurt this season, but this one was probably the least painful. It was as exciting game as one could ask for. Both teams played their hearts out and played (mostly) high quality football for most of the game. While making some mistakes, the Heels were excellent for much of the game and were as impressive in defeat as one can reasonably expect. Pat White, perhaps the greatest player in Mountaineer football history, had a outstanding day and win to cap off his illustrious college career. It was the best game of the pre-BCS slate, and the best case scenario for the Car Care Bowl organizers.

And Hakeem Nicks…oh, Hakeem Nicks:

The vidoes and statistics speak for themselves: 8 catches, 217 yards, 3 touchdowns. Nicks now holds every major school receiving record. It’s probable that this is the last we’ve seen of the greatest wide receiver in school history, as Nicks is an NFL talent right now and has nothing left to prove in college. UNC should be fine with a talented, if inexperienced, wide receiver trio of Greg Little, Kenton Thornton and Dwight Jones in 2009. If Hakeem comes back for his senior year, however, I may end up knocking myself out from the excitement.

Anyway, this post is a big Thank You and Congratulations for Hakeem Nicks and all the joy he has brought me and Tar Heel fans everywhere, from the Rutgers game on Saturday all the way up to Saturday’s remarkable performance.

Car Care Bowl Live Blog

North Carolina. West Virginia. In the battle for who will win the game named after a company who once had George Foreman as a spokesperson. Winner will be 9-4 and feel awesome. Loser will be 8-5 and feel…not so awesome.

Most importantly, this is our first bowl game in 4 years and the end to our best season since 2001. And what better way to celebrate our exit from the doldrums than to face a team coached by the modern-day Carl Torbush. FEEL THE ELECTRICITY!

So get pumped, click on the blue stuff below at about 12:45, and let’s get this thing started.

Click Here

The Nightmare After Christmas

Programming note: You damn right we’re live-blogging the Car Care Bowl. Stop by on Saturday afternoon for that. In leiu of bowl analysis, I will provide you with a fake story. If you’ve read this blog before, it’s probably what you would have preferred anyway. Enjoy.

December 27, 9:45 am. West Virginia coach Bill Stewart addresses his team at breakfast before they leave for Bank of America Stadium.

Bill Stewart: And one more thing before we head onto that field, men. We may not have accomplished what we wanted to this year, but dammit if we didn’t give our full effort!

Pat White: (is pumped)

Noel Devine: (plays Wii in the back corner)

Bill Stewart: Now, we’ve got a good opponent today in North Carolina. They’re going to be fierce today. But they won’t be as intense as us, and I know why.

Noel Devine: (reaches level 5 on whatever the hell he’s playing)

Bill Stewart: Because this game…is about honor. Guys like Pat have spent the last four years playing their hearts out and representing this university better than I possibly could. When this game is over, could you really look at our seniors in the face, after their final game in uniform, knowing that you gave anything less than your very best?

Everyone: (silence, nodding)

Bill Stewart: Of course not. This game is about them, the seniors. Let them end their time here on a high note. Now let’s go out there and have some fun!

Team: WHOOOOOOOO (rushes out of hotel conference room)

Noel Devine: (takes attention off Wii) Where’ed everybody go, coach?

Bill Stewart: Darn it.

————–

Later, in the coaches “bus”…

Bill Stewart: Gosh, Ed. These boys are gonna win today. I can feel it.

Ed Pastilong, WVU AD: Yeah, yeah.

Bill Stewart: By the way, I like your idea of putting the coaches and players on seperate buses to the team can collect their thoughts ‘fore the game.

Ed: Thank you, Bill.

Bill Stewart: I have just one, question, though.

Ed: Go ahead.

Bill Stewart: Why are we in an unmarked black van?

Ed: Umm…we’re saving gas?

Bill Stewart: Works for me.

Ed: Good.

Bill Stewart: Hey, the bus is going that way.

Ed: I know, I know. But we’re going THIS way.

Bill Stewart: Why?

Ed: Because the coaches and players arrive at different parts of the stadium.

Bill Stewart: But they’re headed away from Charlotte.

Ed: They probably just decided to get a pregame snack.

Bill Stewart: Oh.

Bill Stewart: Say, aren’t those the Tar Heels?

Ed: Yep.

Bill Stewart: So are we goin’ to say hi?

Ed: Yep.

Bill Stewart: That was a pretty ominous yep.

Ed: Where’d you learn a word like “ominous”?

Bill Stewart: I work at a university. Heck if I know what it means, though.

Ed: Oh. Anyway, your old coach Dick Crum is here to greet you.

Bill Stewart: Oh hey! I’ll go out and meet him!

Ed: Yeah. You do that.

Butch Davis: (talking to Everett Withers): and whatever you do, fix the prevent–

Ed: Hey Coach Davis! Can yhou come over here for a second!

Butch: No way! I don’t trust you, shady guy driving that unmarked van.

Ed: (Holds cartoonishly huge sack of money)

Butch: You’ve just earned my trust. (walks up to van)

Four burly arms come out of the van and grab coach Davis

Butch: What the fu–(is dragged into van)

Ed: GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

The van speeds off to the interstate, never to be seen again.

Dick Baddour: (noticing the ruckus) What just happened?

BillStewart: Aw, well shucks, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Baddour. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it looks like you’ve got a coaching vacancy.

Dick Baddour: WHAT?!?

Bill Stewart: Yeah, they just drove off with Mr. Davis and, well, I was wondering if you were interested in giving me the job.

John Blake: THE HELL YOU ARE I’M A STONE COLD FREAK AND I GOT DIBS ON HIS DAMN SEAT FOOL

BIll Stewart: Now, that’s not very nice.

John Blake: WHATCHA GON DO BOUT IT FOOL

Random NC State fan passing by: IN YOUR FACE 41-10 41-10 41-10 STATE CHAMPIONSHIP AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (does that stupid wolf thing with his hands)

Dick Baddour: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dick Baddour: (wakes up, panting heavily) Oh…oh my God. Thank the Lord. Just a bad dream.

(phone rings)

Dick Baddour: Hello?

Hi, this is Jay Jacobs. It looks like Chizik’s gonna get run out of town after goin’ 4-8 next season, and in 2009 it’s pretty much down to your guy or Muschamp to save my job. Just though you should know. (hangs up)

Can’t ANYONE let this program win 8-9 games a year in peace?

Ginyard warming up vs. Evansville

I’m at the Evansville game right now. Marcus Ginyard is in game shoes and shorts (but not warmup jacket) shooting with the rest of the team. He came onto the court before anyone else, apparently to test how close to 100% he was. Whether or not he’s going to play is still uncertain, but I would not be the least bit surprised if he did.

Just thought y’all should know.

HeelTube: The Last Time UNC and West Virginia Met…

…it was the 1997 Gator Bowl. Dre’ Bly took only one year to become one of the great corners in UNC history. His freshman season was bonkers, and he continued his stellar play that year with two of his 13 interceptions against the Mountaineers. Oscar Davenport also had a good game, throwing a touchdown pass and running for another. Carolina eventually won the game 20-13, capping their best season in more than a decade. 2008 has been easily the Heels’ best season since 1997, and in the Car Care Bowl they face none other than the Mountaineers. Freaky.

Much more posting about UNC’s bowl opponent will come in the next two weeks.