Coach K and the Blue Devils Team Address The Media About the Accusations of Flopping

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 Photo from Mr. Tar Heel
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The Countdown to Dook Begins. Again.

While it’s unfortunate that we won’t be able to wipe the floor with Duke the way the Women’s team did Sunday night, the tides have begun to turn since these two teams last faced.

On February sixth, Blue Devils came to the Dean Dome at their peak against the inconsistent and suddenly shorthanded Tar Heels. In the four weeks since Duke has been reeling, with road losses to Wake Forest and Miami and escaping an upset at the hands of NC State by the skin of their teeth (and arguably a bad foul call, which allowed Demarcus Nelson to hits the game-winning free throws; but that is another topic altogether). Now Saturday’s game carries, in all likelihood, the outright ACC regular season championship and the inside track to the #1 seed in the East Bracket. To put it simply, Jon Scheyer picked the wrong month to quit sniffing glue.

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Once again, we look to the Scheyerface thread for inspiration.

Meanwhile, the Tar Heels have yet to lose since the Duke game despite injuries to Ty Lawson, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard, Quentin Thomas, Tyler Hansbrough, Danny Green, Rameses, assisstant coach Steve Robinson, several members of the Amis Chapel Baptist Church concession stand, and the very kind 80-year old man in the fifth row of the Smith Center who has paid thousands of dollars in scholarships for the privilege of his seat and will shout when he feels like shouting, dammit!

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Now Lawson’s back (sort of) and Q and the rest of the Heels will be far more confident in their abilities than the last time these two teams faced each other.Then again, Q’s never played more than 10 minutes in a game at Cameron Indoor Stadium, something that he will certainly have to do this Saturday.

It’s Duke-Carolina, and it’s for all the regular season marbles (barring an inexplicable loss to Virginia and/or Florida State midweek, but stranger things have happened). Should be loads of fun. Let the hate begin!

Tar Heel Fans to Wear VCU Shirts Tonight

For tonight’s Duke game, the Dean Dome should be as raucous as you will see it for quite some time. But you may see a few fans in the stands wearing neither Carolina nor Duke blue, but a strange yellow.

From what I have heard, someone thought it would be a very personal touch to the Dookies for Carolina students to wear Virginia Commonwealth shirts for tonight’s game, and it appears that a few thousand will be wearing them.  Why, you ask?

Ah, yes. Duke agony: it heals the soul.

No live blog tonight, as I will have the fortune of being in attendance. I’ll provide a full report on the game tomorrow.

Coach K Professes His Love to Marcia Clark

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…Through song. It’s the kind of forbidden love about which no one wants to know…because frankly, we’re all disgusted by the thought of it.

“Ultimate Duke House” Under Construction

It appears Duke basketball will finally be rewarded for their success with a house that they can call their own.

It was revealed this week by coach Mike Krzyzewski and President Richard Broadhead that upperclassmen from the Duke University basketball team will now live in an off-campus house to increase camaraderie and security for the players, secluded from on-campus fans. Already dubbed “the Ultimate Duke House” by students, the house (pictured below) will have five bedrooms, where seniors will have individual bedrooms and any extra juniors will share rooms. Walk-on upperclassmen will sleep on the couch. The house is expected to be complete by the fall semester.

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Here’s what some in the world of college basketball, mostly current and former Duke players, had to say about the Duke House…

Mike Krzyzewski: “This is a milestone for our program. Finally, a place where I can visit, hang out informally with my players, invite recruits, have Wojo over and I don’t have to worry about the wife spy–um, I think I’ve said too much.”

Johnny Dawkins: “The inspiration for this house was the pink locker rooms at the University of Iowa. There’s some Hayden Fry reverse psychology s— goin’ on up in here.”

Gerald Henderson: You see that? You see that s—? That’s why I committed to Duke.

Josh McRoberts: You see that? You see that s—? That’s why I declared for the NBA.

Kyle Singler: Must…feast…on…blood…and…flesh…of…the…living…

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Dick Vitale: (genitalia explodes from sheer joy)

Jon Scheyer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Christian Laettner: “Ya wanna battle, bitch? You little street news reporter? Let’s battle, ‘cuz I battle any sex or any race, you beating me is like Billy Crystal playing Scarface! I can’t see it, I’m blind to the eyes, I came up in your face OOPS POW SURPRISE! OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Cherokee Parks: “Is that all you got, fool? It is so ON. gimme the mic! Church. Tabernacle. Titty one, titty two. Prophet Eli. My mental gymnastics will flip you, like an Aunt Jemima flapjack. Now how ’bout that?”

Prince: (playing basketball) “Good. (swish) In your face, Christian Laettner.” (drives lane uncontested, dunks) “Game…blouses.”

Greg Paulus: (falls down, reporter is charged with an offensive foul)

J.J. Redick:

Wojo: This is architectural masterpiece! ARE YOU LISTENING?!?! QUIT CRYING AND LISTEN TO ME! (slaps the floor) ASIDE FROM ME, THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN IN THE HISTORY OF THIS PROGRAM. EVER.

McRoberts: (sobs uncontrollably in towel)

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Sidney Lowe: Not bad, but it could use a little shag carpeting. And chrome window frames. And females. Lots and lots of females.

Scheyer: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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Roy Williams: “Wow…I didn’t think that a basketball team could feel so…pretty…hahahahahah…. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (breathes deeply) HAAAAAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh God! Make it sta-ha-hop! HAHAhahahahah haa….ha…..haaaaa. I’m very happy for Duke and their upperclassmen. They deserve this wonderfuhlahahahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!

“Ummmmm…you’ve got this off the record, right? No? Crap.”

Tyler Hansbrough: Mi mimimi mi mimimimiMI…mimimi.

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We Apologize For That Distraction

We now return to your regularly scheduled making fun of Duke, already in progress.

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UNC 84, FSU 73 (OT): The Game in Pictures and Monosyllabic Exclamations

 WARNING: Includes at least one expletive. All pictures from AP/Phil Coale and IC/Jim Hawkins.

ACT I: Lawson Injures Ankle

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Act II: Quentin Thomas Steps Up

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QYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Act III:UNC Squanders 8 Point Lead With 2 Minutes Left; No Discernible Adjustments Made

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WWWWWHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTT?!?!?

ACT IV: Ryan Reid Hits Game Tying Shot

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FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!

ACT V: Hansbrough Takes over in Overtime

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YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!