From The Makers of ShamWow in Spanish…

It’s Slap Chop in Spanish! It was only a matter of time.

ODIAS hacer ensalaaaadaaassssss…

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The Greatest Thing To Come Out of NC State Since The Krispy Kreme Race

Go ahead. Make my day. Just try and see what happens when you drive over 30 miles an hour in THIS work zone muahahahaaaa…

OBEY

This is, quite possibly, the most nighmare inducing thing created by a NC State student in the cloak of night since (insert horrible zoophilia joke here).

It appears to be the work of one Joe Carnavale, a Wolpack junior who posted his work on No Promise of Safety. Of course, this epic statue of modern humanity was taken down less than 24 hours after it was placed in the street, and Carnavale is now being charged with property damage and larceny by Wake County DA Rectum Buzzkill*. But worry not, Carnavale: your sculpture is a testament to creativity and badassedness. I tip my hat no matter what university you attended, and I demand that a replica be made for every roadside construction site in America.

*Rectum Buzzkill is not the actual name of the Wake County District Attorney. But it’s not far off.

2008 Season Preview: Cornerbacks

Starters: Kendric Burney (#16), Charles Brown (#12)

Key Reserves: Jordan Hemby, Tavorris Jolly, LaCount Fantroy, Richie Rich

Overview: Deunta Williams may be the most hyped defensive back on the roster, but cornerback Kendric Burney may be even more pivotal to the success of Carolina’s pass defense. The fellow Freshman All-ACC player was 7th on the team with 50 total tackles, including 4.5 tackles for loss. Despite only one interception and four pass deflections on the year, he succeeded in shutting down opposing receivers on a consistent basis, virtually shutting down the passing game in one half of the field. (Interesting sidenote: Burney played baseball in high school, and was good enough to be a part of UNC’s preseason baseball team at training camp. Ultimately, he decided to concentrate on football and left the roster.)

Burney is flanked by an equally impressive underclassman in Charles Brown. Unlike Burney, Brown had to enter the starting lineup after senior Jermaine Strong had a season-ending leg injury against Virginia Tech, and Tavorris Jolly’s outing against Miami did not work out so well. An oft-used nickelback prior to getting the call, Charles impressed in the final five games of the season, and finished among the top five in team tackles. If Brown doesn’t play to expectations this year, just be glad he isn’t a kicker.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

The two cornerbacks are both under 5’10”, but what they lack in size they make up for in speed and awareness. They may have only combined for three interceptions, but two of those picks were returned for touchdowns (granted, both against NC State).

As with the safeties, the Heels had better hope that Burney and Brown stay healthy; the rotation behind them is still a bit of an enigma.

Outlook: I am very confident that Burney and Brown can hold their own at the corners. Combined with the two starting safeties, Carolina’s starting secondary should be one of the better units in the conference. If one of the starters gets hurt, however, it’s anybody’s guess how it will turn out. As with most things Tar Heel Football, I’m cautiously optimistic.

Time to Get Your Hopes Up

The symbol of optimists everywhere.

At the end of the ACC Kickoff, the media voted on how they thought the conference would shake out. As expected, Clemson and Virginia Tech are the favorites to win their respective divisions, with the Tigers expected to win the conference. Much like the Spanish soccer team, experts are expecting Clemson to do what their talent says they should have done for the past three years.

There was also the usual mild surprises such as Florida State and Miami finishing in the middle of their respective divisions (sweet) and NC State finishing last in the Atlantic (super sweet). What was the most shocking to me, however, was where the Tar Heels were ranked.

The media expects big things out of Chapel Hill this year. That, or they expect to enjoy pointing and laughing at ACC football this season. Either way, the Heels were voted to finish second in the Coastal this season. Yes, this is a down year for the conference and yes, we’re expected to make one of the biggest leaps of any team in the country this year. So why is it still surprising to a Carolina fan? Because the last time the media picked us to finish in the top half of the ACC, this guy was our quarterback. Hint: our team vaguely resembled a spice rack. (People often forget that he was supposed to be the next Charlie Ward.)

So, are the media expecting too much too fast, or are Heels fans still overly cautious to be emotionally invested in a potential 8-9 win season? I think it’s the latter. This is the year where Carolina can, and should, make the leap into a consistent bowl contender. The nonconference schedule is solid but not daunting, we dodged the top half of the Atlantic Division, and we get many of our most important games (especially Virginia Tech) at home. Virtually every game is winnable; we proved that we can stay close no matter who we play. And all of our young, talented players now have a year under their belts.

Granted, I would still be happy with just a bowl game. But the stars have aligned this season. It’s time…finally…for Carolina fans to expect great things from their football team.

UPDATE: Deunta Williams certainly has his hopes up. Way, way up. Hey, if Wake could win an ACC title in 2006, we certainly stand a chance to get it in 2008.