HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Oh my God, pinch me. I can’t believe this is actually going to happen. In my heart of hearts I’m probably hoping he has some level of success, but as someone who thinks that the Duke Blue Devils are…well, the Devil, this is about at schadenfreude-tastic as it gets. Enjoy 50 sacks, 20 INTs and a 2-10 season, Greg.

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ACC PREDICTIONS PREDICTIONS PREDICTIONS!

VT blog Gobbler Country and Furrier4Heisman held a preseason conference poll among ACC bloggers and was kind enough to invite my opinion, despite my recent sporadic-ness-ness-ness. (I will save the explanation for another time, but for now I’ll say life got in the way.) Anyway, here were may predictions:

Atlantic Division

1. Florida State

2. NC State

3. Clemson

4. Wake Forest

5. Maryland

6. Boston College

Florida State has the talent, eventually they have to pull it together, right? State is a team on the rise despite the (temporary?) loss of Nate Irving. I sincerely hope he comes back to haunt running backs’ dreams again…just not our backs. Clemson is still talented, but we don’t know how consistent they are. Wake Forest will take a step back on defense, the key to their success the last three years. Boston College is squarely in rebuilding mode after all they’ve lost.

Coastal Division

1. Virginia Tech

2. Georgia Tech

3. North Carolina

4. Miami

5. Virginia

6. Duke

Last year was the time to pounce on the Coastal Division and step up in Virginia Tech’s rebuilding year. That window is now closed, and now anyone who wants to win this division must go through the Hokies. Georgia Tech’s Success will depend on whether their triple option stand the test of a team getting a second look. I actually predicted that North Carolina can finish as well as 10-2, but they have to beat one or both of the Techs on the road in order to win the division; honestly, I don;t think this team is ready. Miami still needs to show consistency to be placed higher than fourth. Virginia lose too many important players from 2008 and Duke is, well, Duke.

Offensive Player of the Year: Darren Evans, Virginia Tech

Partly because he’s very good and partly to be contrarian. How Gobbler Country let me get away with calling him “Darrell Evans” in the email I sent him, I’ll never know.

Defensive Player of the Year: QUANTAVIUS THE MAGNIFICENT, UNC.

I have never been more confident of a prediction in my entire life. Ever.

Rookie of the Year: Josh Adams, UNC.

Not knowing much (read: anything about other rookies in the ACC, I decided to stick to what I know. Judging by the pairty in voting in this category, everyone else voted the same way. I think Jamal Womble will have a bigger impact, but I have a hunch Adams will have better stats.

Thanks again to Gobbler Country for holding this poll.

It Isn’t Basketball Season Without a Good Scheyerface

And yesterday we get our first gem of the year, courtesy of opponent Georgia Southern.

I’m distinctly in the mindset of ITS STILL FOOTBALL SEASON WHAT BASKETBALL I CANT HEAR YOU LALALALALALALA, but this was too good not to post here.

Are You Prepared To Live In A World…

…where UNC and Duke have the ACC’s two best offensive attacks?

Heading into October, this is a distinct possibility. In a conference which is, to put it kindly, offensively challenged, the Tar Heels and Blue Devils currently sit at 2nd and 3rd in ACC in points per game (31.0 and 30.8 ppg, respectively). Sure, Florida State is ahead of them, but they collected 115 of their 157 points against FCS opponents with a combined 5 wins in 2007. Let us simply revel in this oddity, though, and not get too far into semantics.

Both team shave their fair share of weapons. Duke’s Thad Lewis to Eron Riley might be the most underrated quarterback/receiver combination in the country. For UNC, Hakeem Nicks, Brandon Tate, and Brooks Foster have made things a bot easier for whomever has lined up under center.

What makes the stat so peculiar, however, is the lack of a running game from either team. The Blue Devils have score a combined 72 points against Navy and Virginia (!!!) despite amassing a grand total of 162 yards rushing (78 and 84). Carolina defeated Miami on the road despite 35 yards on the ground, although a closer look at the stats show a solid 3 yard/carry performance by the tailbacks.

So what has been the secret? Forcing turnovers. In each team’s two respective victories against FBS opponents, UNC and Duke have a turnover margin of +6, a combined 14 takeaways and only two giveaways.

So, are you truly, zombies-are-attacking-ohmygod-run ready for prolific ACC offenses from Chapel Hill and Durham in the coming years? Because the future may be sooner than you think.

Hello, Deer. Have You Met Headlights?

Coming out of the tunnel in the second half…

Mike Paulus: Yeah, I am sooo pumped for this game, even though I’m probably not going to see a snap. But hey, if I’m in the game, it;s because you’ve slammed the door shut, T.J. Now let’s kick some! Let’s go, T.J.! Let’s go, Quan! Let’s go, Greg! WHOOOOOOOO!!!

(Mike Paulus has just patted the back of each player just mentioned, unwittingly giving them an radio chip in the process.)

Third Quarter. UNC is up 10-3 against Virginia Tech.

This game ain’t looking half-bad. Defense is dominating, we’re in field goal range, and T.J. is looking pretty sharp.

T.J. Yates: HUT HUT!

Radio: Beep beepbeedeedeep beedeedeep beedeedeepeep beedeedeepeep beeeeeeeeeeeeep

T.J. Yates:

Must…sprint…backwards…into…defensive…player…

(Yates is sacked for a loss of 20 yards, and hurts his left foot in the process)

Oh, no! T.J. can’t be hurt!

Butch: Get him out of there!

Yates: I’m…fine…coach…I’ll…stay…here…

(Yates performs 7 step drop on bad foot, is sacked)

Butch: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!

Yates: I don’t know what came over me OW OW OW OW

Alright Mike, get yourself together. This game is on your shoulders now. Hopefully we can get the running game going. Keep the pressure off, you know. You can do this, Mike, This is what you came here for.

Next possession…

Alright, Well start with a run up the middle. Can’t be that bad. HUT HUT! (hands of to Greg Little) GO! GO GO GO GO GO! YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! WAY TO GO GREG! WAY TO GO! Whoo, okay. 17-3. Defense is playing well. Pressure’s off.

VT possession. 3rd and 5. Tyrod Taylor has just been stopped for no gain.

Way to go defense! Way to go!

Unnamed Hokie Player:

Ron Cherry: After the play was over, personal foul, on the…

Radio: BEEEEP BEEDEEDEEP BEEPDEEDEEDEEPBEEEP BEEEEEEEEP

Cherry:

…on the defense. 15 yards from the dead ball spot, first down.

WHAT! He had Quan by the mask! How is that not on Tech, Ron? Oh, well, we can still force a field goal kick.

Virginia Tech scores after another, er, “odd” call, and the score is 17-10.

Okay, so they’ve cut the lead to seven. But come on, that was a fluke. We can still be in control of this game.

So, we’ll just do this like last time. handoff to Greg up the middle and see what happens. HUT HUT!

Radio: BEEEPBEDEDEEEPBEEEP BEDEDEEPBEEP BEEEEEEEEP

Greg Little:

Must…let…go…of…ball…at…inopportune…moment…

Okay, we’re in the red zone, getting into crunch time. We’ve made it this far, I think we can finish this drive get the momentum back, and walk away with victory. Alright, keep it cool.

HUT HUT!

Let’s see to the right here. Hey look! Foster’s open in the flat…

Radio: BEEPBEDEEPBEBEDEEEEEPPBEPBEDEEEP BEEEEP

Must…throw…deep…ball…into…coverage…hope…Hakeem…gets…lucky…

Macho Harris: Mmm yummy delicious interception

Crowd: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wha…what just happened? Oh come on! What made me throw that to Nicks? How could i be so stupid!

Hokies win the game, 20-17.

Okay, something’s up. way too many weird things have been going on. How could this have happened? HOW!

Meanwhile, not far away…

(phone rings)

(phone rings)

(ph-)

Anonymous voice from Durham #1:

Cut here.

Ananymous voice from Durham #2:

Hey, it’s Greg. Just wanted to let you know that the plan worked. Phase one of Operation Sabotage is complete.

Anonymous voice from Durham #1: Excellent. But I still can’t believe you got your brother to become part of the plan.

Anonymous voice from Durham #2: I know! That dude is so gullible when he’s around me.

Anonymous voice from Durham #1: Muahahahaha….

Anonymous voice from Durham #1: BWAHH-HAHAHAHAAAAAAA…

TO BE CONTINUED…

The Countdown to Dook Begins. Again.

While it’s unfortunate that we won’t be able to wipe the floor with Duke the way the Women’s team did Sunday night, the tides have begun to turn since these two teams last faced.

On February sixth, Blue Devils came to the Dean Dome at their peak against the inconsistent and suddenly shorthanded Tar Heels. In the four weeks since Duke has been reeling, with road losses to Wake Forest and Miami and escaping an upset at the hands of NC State by the skin of their teeth (and arguably a bad foul call, which allowed Demarcus Nelson to hits the game-winning free throws; but that is another topic altogether). Now Saturday’s game carries, in all likelihood, the outright ACC regular season championship and the inside track to the #1 seed in the East Bracket. To put it simply, Jon Scheyer picked the wrong month to quit sniffing glue.

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Once again, we look to the Scheyerface thread for inspiration.

Meanwhile, the Tar Heels have yet to lose since the Duke game despite injuries to Ty Lawson, Deon Thompson, Marcus Ginyard, Quentin Thomas, Tyler Hansbrough, Danny Green, Rameses, assisstant coach Steve Robinson, several members of the Amis Chapel Baptist Church concession stand, and the very kind 80-year old man in the fifth row of the Smith Center who has paid thousands of dollars in scholarships for the privilege of his seat and will shout when he feels like shouting, dammit!

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Now Lawson’s back (sort of) and Q and the rest of the Heels will be far more confident in their abilities than the last time these two teams faced each other.Then again, Q’s never played more than 10 minutes in a game at Cameron Indoor Stadium, something that he will certainly have to do this Saturday.

It’s Duke-Carolina, and it’s for all the regular season marbles (barring an inexplicable loss to Virginia and/or Florida State midweek, but stranger things have happened). Should be loads of fun. Let the hate begin!

Duke Loses Two In a Row, Lets UNC Back Into ACC Race

Stewart Mandel says we should have seen this coming, but you still have to make sure you’re awake before you realize that Duke has just lost two straight ACC games to the teams that finished 11th and 12 last year, respectively.

More importantly, however, it’s an excuse to post these, courtesy of one of the greatest forums in internet history:

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Not taken from Duke’s loss, but still thoroughly enjoyable. See you Friday.